Confessions
To say that I have had a rough life is a bit of an understatement. There are tons and tons of reasons that I could list, that no one would care about. People say that young people have no idea what a rough life is, because they are just that. Young. Well, as one of those young people, I say that that is absolute crap. You can't judge someones life based on how you may have handled that situation, because every body handles things differently. For example, someone who usually gets D's on a paper thinks that a C is the best thing that could ever happen to them. However, someone who gets A's could think that a D means their life is over. It's all about perspective, something not a lot of people are willing to have.
Recently, I have been going to therapy and group classes because I realized that I was not okay. I was having nightmares, either not eating, or eating everything in sight, and just being in a really bad spot. I realized that if I didn't seek help soon, something was going to happen and it would not have been good. I don't know if it would have been suicide or not, because thankfully I never reached that point. So, off to therapy I went. When you first start going, you have to do intake. It wasn't easy for me because it brought up a lot of things from my past that I wasn't really dealing with or had never dealt with. I felt terrible telling the person doing the intake about them, and when it was done, I was actually relieved. I felt relieved that I had finally told someone about what was wrong and what had happened to me. It was refreshing, and freeing, to get it off my chest and to let some of these things out in the open.
Right now, I am taking a healthy self-esteem class, and a coping skills class. The exact words that landed me in these were "I really don't like myself". Nobody should have to say those words and have them be true. Because, it is for me. I don't like myself. In the self-esteem class, we have a lot of exercises where we have to talk about ourselves, and describe our self and it is really really hard. It is hard for me to see what my strengths are, and to know what I do actually like about me. At some point, I would like to be able to say, "yes, these are my strengths" and believe them. I know it will take some time, and I am willing to put in the effort to do it.
From this point on, I need to change my way of thinking, and of doing things. For the first time in a long time I want to do things that would make me happy. If they don't make others happy, then so be it. I deserve to find the things that make me happy, and work towards doing them. There are some people in my life who don't understand that, and that is okay. Talking to certain people, and being around them, doesn't make me happy, it actually contributes a great deal to my depression and anxiety. Not to mention other people contribute to my PTSD. By the way, not only veterans have PTSD, so please be aware that some situations are really hard for people to be in. As for me, I need to spend some time trying to figure out who I am, and work on myself. I have spent so much time fixing others, that I never got the time to fix myself. I basically help myself together with glue and tape because I never thought that my problems were valid. Well, they are. So, please be patient with me. I am trying. It may not be much progress very fast, but I am still trying.
Recently, I have been going to therapy and group classes because I realized that I was not okay. I was having nightmares, either not eating, or eating everything in sight, and just being in a really bad spot. I realized that if I didn't seek help soon, something was going to happen and it would not have been good. I don't know if it would have been suicide or not, because thankfully I never reached that point. So, off to therapy I went. When you first start going, you have to do intake. It wasn't easy for me because it brought up a lot of things from my past that I wasn't really dealing with or had never dealt with. I felt terrible telling the person doing the intake about them, and when it was done, I was actually relieved. I felt relieved that I had finally told someone about what was wrong and what had happened to me. It was refreshing, and freeing, to get it off my chest and to let some of these things out in the open.
Right now, I am taking a healthy self-esteem class, and a coping skills class. The exact words that landed me in these were "I really don't like myself". Nobody should have to say those words and have them be true. Because, it is for me. I don't like myself. In the self-esteem class, we have a lot of exercises where we have to talk about ourselves, and describe our self and it is really really hard. It is hard for me to see what my strengths are, and to know what I do actually like about me. At some point, I would like to be able to say, "yes, these are my strengths" and believe them. I know it will take some time, and I am willing to put in the effort to do it.
From this point on, I need to change my way of thinking, and of doing things. For the first time in a long time I want to do things that would make me happy. If they don't make others happy, then so be it. I deserve to find the things that make me happy, and work towards doing them. There are some people in my life who don't understand that, and that is okay. Talking to certain people, and being around them, doesn't make me happy, it actually contributes a great deal to my depression and anxiety. Not to mention other people contribute to my PTSD. By the way, not only veterans have PTSD, so please be aware that some situations are really hard for people to be in. As for me, I need to spend some time trying to figure out who I am, and work on myself. I have spent so much time fixing others, that I never got the time to fix myself. I basically help myself together with glue and tape because I never thought that my problems were valid. Well, they are. So, please be patient with me. I am trying. It may not be much progress very fast, but I am still trying.
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