Anxiety 101

So I feel like there is something I need to talk about. And no, it isn’t something terribly exciting to most people. I have social anxiety. And not just a little bit. Like panic attacks, fears of large crowds, and avoiding the elevators at work during the day because there are too many people. It’s more than not knowing what to say, it’s something along the lines of knowing what to say but being so self-conscious that you don’t know how to get the words out without sounding like an idiot. I have been known to lie and say that I am sick or that my husband is (sometimes his ideas, sometimes mine) to get out of functions because I know that there will be a lot of people there. Sorry guys, it’s not like I don’t like you, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it is so exhausting to try to be everywhere at once, and to be what everyone wants you to be.

With that said, let's talk about the most wonderful time of the year. At night. When there are hardly any people around. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m talking about the Holiday Season. While I do enjoy the snow, and all the food and lights, it’s the mass crowds of people that freak me out. That would be why all my shopping is done online via Amazon. It gets shipped right to your door, and you don’t even have to put on real pants, or pants at all if they aren't your thing (I promise to have some sort of clothing on if you come to my house). But seriously, what is better than being able to not have to leave your house unless you want to go out? That’s right, nothing.

You know, I actually work nights not because I like them (they’re really creepy at my work), but because of the lack of personal contact. I work nights because I am comfortable with the night crew. It’s not that I don’t like the day and evening shift, but there is something about seeing the same people 6 nights a week that is kind of nice. It took me 4 months before I could actually hold a conversation with some of the day people, but the night shift is a whole other story.

With all that out in the open, I just wanted to make something clear. I am sorry that I am an awkward duck in most social situations. It isn’t something that I take great joy in, trust me. So if it seems like I don’t like you, that’s not always the case (note the always, because some people really irritate the hell out of me). Sometimes I just can’t stand being around so many people. I would also like to point out that yes, I can still handle crowds a lot better than say my husband, but that’s just because I have a bigger family to practice on. So please, if I seem like I’m ignoring you, or like I’m in my own little world, don’t be upset. I’m just trying to breathe.